My journey to love

22 Jul 2017

What is love? 

This is a question I have been pondering for some time. I mean I know what love is to me now, but have I always known it?

You may be thinking that this is a really simple question with a simple answer but it very rarely is simple!

Have you been madly in love before and all of a sudden it ends, or it starts to change over time and you begin to question, am I really in love? 

Have you ever had the thought that your relationship has a shelf life because ‘usually’ things start to peter off after 2 years.

This is exactly what has happened to me in the past.

I think the reason that I have been pondering on this subject is because now I truly have fallen deeply in love, am married and planning an exciting future, so what has been different this time around? 

It is actually really simple but can be quite hard to understand. I believe that you have to truly understand and love yourself fully and completely before you have there ability to love another. 

Now I don’t mean be egotistical or hippy like, more that you have to truly understand what love means to you. 

I clearly thought that I was in love in the past. I have had a few long term relationships but they just didn’t work out for me in the end. As they each ended, it felt like I had gotten to the point where I was fed up and had had enough of relationships, I was going to be single forever!

You know that saying...when you stop trying or looking it will come and find you.  

It may seem that it’s a magical coincidence but I believe something different. Now that I know what I know these are my thoughts:

Over the past 7 years, I've embarked on a journey of personal development. Through this work, I've studied my strengths and my weaknesses, I've eliminated some self-sabotaging negative belief systems that were pretty ingrained. I've faced up to some difficult truths about the life I was living, but most of all, I had come to understand what my true core values are. These are the five most important things you value in life - do you know yours? 

Knowing this is gold, because being unclear on what you truly value means that a lot of the time you are either compromising yourself or simply going along with the crowd. Not because you're a bad person but because you are just going with the flow.  

Looking back I realise that I was like that, I thought that I was quite easy going and just going with the flow. But all I was really doing was trying to keep the other person happy, doing things I didn't necessarily agree with which unconsciously led to me getting frustrated and ultimately the relationship ended. 

This was my own form of self sabotage. It was me not being confident enough in myself and definitely not loving myself fully.

Getting to that point of being totally fed up is terrible and wonderful at the same time. 

It's getting to a point where you think, 'Sod this, I am not putting up with compromise, I would rather be alone.' That is exactly what I thought but I don't think I used the word ‘sod’!

It wasn't until Amanda and I became an item that I started to understand what love truly is to me. Here's why:

1. I am confident in myself, including in my strengths and my weaknesses. The beauty of love is that when you find your best possible match all of a sudden your weaknesses start to become strengths, as together things just get done.

2. I know what my core values are and guess what? They are exactly the same as Amanda: trust, authenticity, health, honesty and integrity. 

So that magical coincidence of the right person coming along is actually way more than that. Yet it's simple. It's about knowing and truly understanding who you are and what you want from love. 

Love is a magical gift and understanding love is a beautiful challenge with the most powerful reward, in my case ‘happily ever after’.

So what are you waiting for? Start exploring you and what love means to you by signing up for our FREE 5 Day Boost Your Self Love Challenge